Written for Sadje’s weekly prompt, #WhatDoYouSee where she gives us photographs to inspire
Image credit; NIR HIMI @ Unsplash
I am old, but not very wise. It took me awhile to realize that I have a life.
When my husband died, I was lost. How can you move from living with someone, loving them and caring for them for forty years to being alone? It isn’t easy. I have children and grandchildren and they spend time with me when they can, but, honestly, most of the time when I am not at work I am alone. No one to talk to about my day, no one to eat dinner with, no one to cuddle with at night. Well, that’s not exactly true. I have my dog, Emmy, and she’s a pretty good listener, a very good eater, and an excellent, although sometimes reluctant, cuddler. But you know what I mean. I felt like half a person living half a life.
I am a believer, so I put my faith in God. I believe that my husband is in a better place and I know he is no longer suffering. Still, I have my moments of anger and bewilderment, and probably always will, because he wasn’t done living when life left him. He wasn’t done. Yet, he surrendered his will to God’s. And I have to surrender my will to God’s. I don’t want my way, I want His, whatever it will be. I’m not trustworthy, He is.
Life stops for no one, and nothing stops time from ticking on. I have lived each day since his death, sometimes badly, sometimes well, but I have done the best I can, and I am doing fine. So I finally realized the other day – I have a life. Its my life, its still going on, and I can do whatever I want with it. It probably seems funny that this was such a big revelation to me. But when life changes in a big way, it takes awhile for a person to adjust. When the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, you fall – you eventually get back up again but it takes time for the eyes and mind to adjust to the scenery.
One of the pictures that Sadje gave us really spoke to me. The picture of the sign says “You are exactly where you need to be.” It may not be where I would chose to be, but it is where I NEED to be. And my life is here – right here, right now. I’m going to try to live it well.
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#WDYS
A Little Bit of Everything, With Love 