The best advice I would give to someone younger than me, who would be willing to listen to anything I have to say, would be, “Try not to settle for what you really don’t want.”
And the things you end up really wanting in life may not be what you expect. Be ready to surprise yourself. Be ready to listen to your heart and be honest.
When we bought our first house, it was a funky-looking little house way too small for our family, but it was on land we really wanted. It whispered to us – you’ve found a home. So, after many long weeks of searching for a house to buy, we bought that one. We had a blast in that house the four years we lived there. We eventually needed something bigger and found a house across the lake for sale that was bigger and had more land. It turned into our forever home. Sometimes things work out.
I had so many jobs growing up, from receptionist to cashier to bartender to truck driver. As soon as I mastered the job, I was so bored I quit. I had been taking a college course here and there, but hated everything I thought I would like. I didn’t like accounting, even though I’m good with numbers. I didn’t have what it took to be a teacher, even though I really like kids. I took a career test and discovered some jobs that would suit my personality. The one job that really stood out was paralegal. I didn’t want to go to college full time – I had two kids and soon another on the way – but when I finally did, I discovered I loved it. I loved research, writing papers and rising to challenges that would have seemed alien to me before. I was fascinated with the law, all of it. Some of my classmates went on to law school after graduation. I thought about it – so much more money. It would be incredibly difficult, but I thought I could do it. But then I thought of the cost on my family. The kids needed me. My husband missed me – I was in class, at my mentorship or at the law library all the time. Three more years of that? No thanks. So I became a paralegal and it was a great decision. My job really suits my personality, which is a kind of ‘behind the scenes’ type of person, not a ‘lime-light’ person. It has never bored me. Not one day in almost 27 years. Am I wealthy? Ha! No, but I’m happy.
And then there’s love. My advice is be patient and never give up hope. You could marry the first person that says “I love you” to your sweet face, but that person may not be the person you should choose. Oh, you’re going to get caught up in relationships that don’t work out. That is perfectly fine, because that experience will bring you one step closer to YOUR person. And someone may love you so much that you believe their love will be enough for both of you. But it won’t. Your perfect person may be someone you yell at, laugh with, toil with and rest beside. Your perfect person may not look like what you expected them to look like. But look inside, dear heart – what do you see? Is this your mate? And don’t be afraid if your love story isn’t perfect. Its all yours, its not for anyone else.
People may tell you not to settle, and you may think that means you need to reach for the stars. And if being ambitious, striving and trying to climb up the ladder at work is what makes you happy, then do it. Don’t settle.
But if you want to be an artist, a dancer, a writer, a stay at home mother or father, a grave digger, or an astronaut, then don’t settle. I’m not telling you to starve – you may have to work at something you don’t like until all the pieces fall in place for you and you can finally do what you love. I believe that if the heart wants it bad enough, there will be a way. I really pray I am right.
I actually have tears in my eyes right now, because I really hope you’re listening. I believe in you. You deserve to be happy. Listen to your heart. Discover who you really are and what makes brings you joy. And, please – try not to settle for less than what YOU want, whatever that may be. XOXO
A Little Bit of Everything, With Love 