I cannot believe that it is close to 180 days since I lost my husband. I believe time itself has been warped by my grief, because I know time has passed, I remember Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the cold frozen January that just ended, and yet, it also feels like it has not passed at all.

When you lose someone that you love, it feels as though the world keeps turning but you are frozen in place. You are experiencing everything that is happening, but there’s a part of you that hasn’t moved since the day you held your loved one’s hand, or kissed them for the last time or listened to them draw that last breath. Everyone around you will forget about your loss, and that is okay. Every person has so much that they are trying to deal with, work through, juggle, and enjoy that they will not remember. People just expect that you have moved on, accepted your loss.

Work keeps me busy and distracted. But when I come home, it is sort of like walking into a time capsule. I don’t dislike it. 

But I honestly feel a change coming. That is a pretty foolish thing to say, I suppose. Change always comes, change will always be our constant. But I do feel a change coming, for me. I am not afraid of it. I only hope that it’s a change that will bring me happiness and move me forward just a bit.