I followed the narrow path down to the beach. The path descended abruptly, so I used the railing to keep me from stumbling. I came out into a hollow between two sand dunes. It was twilight, and there were usually ghost crabs everywhere, but tonight I saw only a few. I crouched down to watch a couple of them scuttle away on a crooked path to the water. I could remember a time when fireflies dotted the beach, slowly blinking their golden lights like tiny lanterns, but I had not seen any for a few years.

I watched the last glimmer of the sunset dance on the water, more faintly each second until the light of the sun vanished completely. The street lights were only a few hundred feet away, so I could still make out my surroundings, and the moon was rising over my shoulder.

The water was warm, but I hesitated before wading in. I felt the pull of the waves and the undertow, sand sliding away from under my feet. I knew I shouldn’t, that it was dangerous, but I couldn’t stop myself from going in deeper. The waves were waist high now, pushing me with enough force to knock me over. I waited for the right window of opportunity, and dove under a wave, coming up to draw in a quick breath, then dove under the next, going out until the waters were a bit calmer. I swam and floated on my back, feeling weightless and free. The moon was bright, and the moonlight helped, but visibility was poor and it felt like the waves were growing larger, stronger. I was worried about a rip current. Why was I doing this? Did I want to die?

No, I told myself, I don’t want to die. I began swimming back to shore. I was fighting the waves and swimming fast and hard, but I didn’t seem to be going anywhere. I could feel the fatigue in my muscles, and I was getting tired. I swam, breathed, coughed up water and sputtered, and kept swimming. Finally, I felt myself propelling forward. I reached the shore and pulled myself up to the sandy beach, gasping for breath. I lay on my back in the sand, staring up at the moon. I watched a thin cloud cross the face of the Man in the Moon, and I smiled at his face when it was revealed again. “What do you think about all this?” I asked him. All I heard was the whooshing and the sighs of the waves. I lay there until I felt strong enough to walk home. I saw that I was about a half mile down the shore from where I had begun swimming. I wished I had a dry towel and a pair of sandals. Praying I would never do this again, I turned my back to the ocean and walked toward the road.

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