I’m afraid that I’m not dealing with Billy’s death very well. How can I know? I wonder if I’m thinking of him too much, or is it too little? Am I taking time to mourn, or am I in a constant state of mourning? I know I feel exhausted all the time, I am unhappy and depressed. I wake up in the middle of the night and I know I’ve been dreaming about him, but the dream vanishes from my mind without a trace.

I work full time and am very busy at my job. Often, interactions with clients or my attorneys keep me distracted.

Distracted is how I feel most of the time. Busy with work, or paying bills or attending to responsibilities at home. These duties keep my mind occupied. Once the busyness is done, loneliness comes and sits beside me, reminding me of how much I want my husband back.

I don’t know how to do this. I hate this.