“Life is a journey, not a destination” Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have been living without my husband, Billy, for 265 days. Sometimes I feel numb, like I’m not fully alive, just existing, just occupying space. That is how I have spent most of these 265 days, just going through the motions of life.
Last weekend I went to Lafayette and spent a couple of days with my youngest, Joseph, and his wife, Trisha, and daughter, Nora. I watched Nora play softball on Friday night under the lights, a red tailed hawk flying around the fields and periodically perching on top of a light pole. Nora pitched, and she is a wonder to watch, so tall, all arms and legs. She’s only 11, but she is strong and has so much confidence. Her pitches were smooth, and mostly strikes. I just got to sit by my family on a beautiful Friday night and soak it all in, her grace and skill, the excitement of the game, the determination of those young girls.
I went to a women’s seminar with Trisha on Saturday morning. The topic was one near to my heart, Heaven. I enjoyed it immensely, the singing, the teaching, and being with my daughter-in-law. Afterwards, we watched Nora play in two basketball games. She is becoming a skilled player and ball handler and is fast and aggressive. Trisha said that the girls are more aggressive than the boys in basketball, and I realized she is right. It was a pleasure to watch her and her teammates play, so much physicality, power and joy.
I had a good time living life last weekend. It sounds silly, but it really felt like living. And it was, compared to my typical days which consist of work, watching tv, writing a little and sleeping. I am planning to drive all the way up to Chicago later this week and spend a couple of days with my daughter, Joanna, and her husband, Nick, and 6 month old, Luna. I can’t wait to see them. And the living continues.
I still go on a crying jag now and then, especially when I see a picture of Billy, or a memory of him will come upon me so vividly. I was very lucky to be with him. We had such a good life. It would be impossible not to mourn the loss of someone like him, and the happiness we shared. Yet, I still have much to be grateful for, especially my family. I want to try to find the strength and energy to get out and be with them, to live life with them.
Billy and Nora at Nora’s dance recital xoxo
A Little Bit of Everything, With Love 
Grief is a process, much like living. Sometimes it seems impossible to do the two at once, but the rub is- you’re doing it even when you don’t notice. Live every day at the pace it desires to be lived, and one day the grief will have become so engrained in who you are, you will not be able to tell the difference anymore, and that is when the living takes over. xo
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Thank you, Violet. I love your words so much, and believe you are right. The grief will become so engrained in who I am that I won’t be able to tell a difference, I think I am slowly transitioning into this, “and that is when the living takes over” ❤️❤️!
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You know I can totally relate to this post. I’m discovering there are lots of things I would like to do, but I also am nearing my 83rd birthday and can’t do those things anymore. For several years Paul and I knew the day would come eventually. During his last year we spent at least two or three days a week, road tripping right here in Minnesota. We visited parks we didn’t know existed. We stopped for ice cream.
We shared memories. We lived at the pace we could at the time. Now that he’s gone, I realize how those road trips meant to both of us. His time was coming to an end. We had amazing quality time together. It was like reliving times when we were younger and vibrant. Now that my life is shifting gears, I’m learning to take care of myself. I’m stubborn and often overdo things, so I have to manage my rest time. I know we will get through this. If you’re like me, you will continue to mourn the loss of your husband, but the good memories will surface just when you need them. We also have the confidence that our men are spending time in paradise with their Lord and Savior, Jesus, Christ. Love and hugs to you.
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Thank you so much. Yes, we know where our men are, thank the Lord. It is true, a good memory helps a lot ❤️ Love and hugs to you.
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