November 24th has always been an important day in the lives of my husband and myself. It was the day we met, and it was the day that we got married exactly one year later. Our anniversary always fell around or on Thanksgiving Day, and that was always really nice. This last November 24th would have been our 40th anniversary. So many years we had together, but I still wish I could have 40 years more. I have been trying to balance gratefulness with grief, but it’s a little difficult this early.
Last weekend I went up to Chicago for 4 days, to spend time with Joanna, Nick and baby Luna. Luna is a very good baby, but she’s still a ton of work. The kids were exhausted, and I was glad to be there to lend my hands to help them out. I got to hold Luna for the first time, and it was very emotional for me. I am just so grateful to God that Joanna and Luna are okay. Luna is pretty incredible, when she was four and a half weeks old, she started rolling from her belly to her back. My daughter was concerned and called the pediatrician, and the pediatrician was concerned because she had never heard of anything like it. Babies this young are not supposed to do this. But, videos were taken and no one really knows how or why, but Luna is very strong and very determined and she can roll over whenever she wants. She’s a beautiful baby, too. Brains and beauty, she’s got it all.
I am unsure how I will feel over this Thanksgiving weekend, and also how I will feel about Christmas, without Billy here. I’ve been feeling a bit agitated, and I think about putting up my tree, but the thought of it is exhausting. I am going to try to decorate as usual, or as close to as usual as possible. My youngest son and his family are supposed to be at my house on Christmas morning, which means their daughter, Nora, will be opening her presents here. She will want cheerful, glittery Christmas decorations and a brightly lit tree to be the backdrop for her Christmas morning present opening extravaganza.
Billy seems so close and yet so far away. I am sitting in our family room that he remodeled single-handedly. He built closets for storage, there are games for the family on the shelves, and he installed the television up high. He laid vinyl plank flooring, which I love. I look into the kitchen, and see the cabinets that I watched him install, and the vinyl flooring I watched him lay. All the hours of work he put into this house are in so many details that anyone can see, and I feel the love that he poured out into this place. This house is a love poem that he wrote to me. This house is a song that is singing to me now of his love. Thank you Billy, for your love. You will always have mine.
A Little Bit of Everything, With Love 