Last night I went out at dusk. There wasn’t much to see, just a white sky with dark trees in silhouette. The leaves are turning, but its been so warm that the colors haven’t really come out yet. I searched some of my 3 acre yard without luck for the giant bone I gave Emmy. Perhaps a coyote or a fox found it and carried it away. Its a mystery now. I walked and felt the warmth of the earth pressing against the cool of the evening air. There is fog on the lake every morning this time of year and its really spooky and eerie and sets the mood for the coming Halloween.
Last night I dreamed I cut my own hair. Yes, it was as disastrous as it sounds. The front was chopped too short, and the back looked like it was in a zig zag pattern at the ends. I’m sure someone would say that dreaming of cutting your own hair was signifying change or a move from the past. I disagree with that interpretation, since I am definitely not moving on from the past. I looked it up on Google and found a interpretation I could agree with. The author of the article said that hair signified our power, and that by cutting your own hair, you are feeling weak and powerless. I could relate to that. Like Samson, with his flowing locks of power, who succumbed to the wiles of Delilah and became weak and pathetic when she betrayed him and chopped off his hair. I am not powerful right now. I am at the mercy of the bank, and the BMV and Social Security. I am at the mercy of my sons, to tend to the seemingly constant repairs on the house, the lawnmower or my car and to mow my grass and rake my leaves. I cannot do much, and now I sound even more pathetic, because I need a shoulder replacement surgery. I do realize how blessed I am to have these wonderful sons. And I know God is with me, giving me the strength I need for every day, and I am grateful.
My youngest son, Joseph, was a morning news anchor on a local tv channel in Lafayette, Indiana until last week. He starts a new job next week at Purdue University promoting the school of engineering. I know he is excited and nervous and heartbroken because his dad never got to know about this new path he is taking. Just like Joanna and her upcoming switch from pregnancy to motherhood, Joseph’s life is changing and his dad cannot come along to experience this with him. Joseph won’t get to hear his father’s praise and the words “I love you and I’m so proud of you” that Billy would have said, probably at least twice. He won’t get to celebrate with his dad or receive his dad’s encouragement. More turning of the earth, around and around.
No matter how we feel, life just keeps going on.
A Little Bit of Everything, With Love 