Today Billy went to the doctor because his blood levels are all very low. His liver enzymes are elevated. I accompanied him to the oncologist’s office where they ordered more blood tests and a CT scan of his liver. We’ll go back in 2 weeks to get the results. It’s scary, when you look online at all the possible ailments that can cause his symptoms. I went to the retina specialist two days ago because my eye is bad again. I was diagnosed with macular degeneration, not the typical kind, since I hadn’t had an injection for 4 years and was doing fine. But a firm diagnosis. That isn’t good news. Next Thursday I go to St. Vincent’s to see the heart specialist about my leaking heart valves. It seems that this is a season of doctor appointments for us. When we got home tonight, it was sprinkling but we went out on the water in the pontoon boat anyway. Coming home, I looked at the stretched out cotton clouds pulled over peeks of blue sky and wondered, will I remember this sky when I’m really old and can’t go out to see it anymore? Will I remember home? 
Will these rooms and these walls fill my dreams? Will I walk through the house in my mind like I can do with our family home in Riley? A home is an amazing thing, Ours is humble and even neglected, yet still a haven of love, warmth, acceptance. A place where we are completely known and we know the members completely; all the good and bad, the strengths and weaknesses. It’s hard to believe our little children have homes of their own, most with children of their own. They say time is a river running, and that all time runs alongside each other. Could I jump into the stream where my kids are young? Could I jump into the river and meet my parents when they were young? Kiss my grandma once again? Hug my mother?
Home. My Billy. My Jason, Joanna and Joseph. My life and heart and love.
A Little Bit of Everything, With Love 